I’m so lost

“When you pray for strength, God gives you tests.”
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I’m so lost. Everyday brings new tests. I want to scream and thrash my arms, but I’m trapped inside this body. Never before have I experienced such challenges. Some days I wonder what on earth I’m doing, where am I, why am I surrounded by the faces of strangers. It is so hard, some days I wish I could disappear. Where is my home, the ocean? These people have such different personalities; it takes so much strength to avoid a clash. Why can I not find anything nutritious to eat? My body aches. Its been a month, I can’t remember being away from home for more than two weeks at a time, and never for a day from everyone that I know. This is what it is meant to be, I am grateful for these tests, for I know I will grow. However those moments where I forget my purpose, where I forget my Faith, I feel so lost, so empty, as though the very soul has been sucked out of me. I think regularly of home, I can’t wait to return. I’m beginning to appreciate every little tiny thing so so much more. We are so lucky in Canada. Despite the pain, I know I will never give up. I have Faith. Along with Faith, a dark chocolate Toblerone goes a long ways.
“When you pray for strength, God gives you tests.”